Meta-Fatigue : 12/06/2005

I based this work around a blissful enjoyment I partake in daily by walking home in the cold darkness of the Michigan night. Usually well beyond tired and certainly deluded from sleep deprivation I find that when I get back I'm dreaming even before I fall asleep, yet often I fail entirely to fall asleep for a good hour or so. I call this the hallucinatory realm of meta-fatigue.

Of all the theories posed by psychoanalysts on the topic of dreams, I fall into the camp that postulates that dreams are a big brain fart rehashing all my rational thoughts and allowing them to masquerade as some kind of quasi-reality. I admit, I find this so fascinating, but it's when my mind breaks down during these hours -- long after I should have gone to bed -- that meta-fatigue rears it's ugly serge of endorphins and grants me hypnotic and bizarre idea superpowers.

This is simultaneously inspired and created out of such happenstance. I find the psychedelia to be an unmistakable torture and yet an excellent resource for creativity. Ambivalence run rampant -- I can't deny that living halfway in a dream state doesn't sound so bad. If I were Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky, man, I would'a gone back to sleep.

Then again, life's not a hollywood movie -- and they don't play Spiritualized in elevators. In my dreams, I get what I want. Dreams to me are the king ambivalence.

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